Monday, October 26, 2020

Anne - present day Cedar Run through first flashback on 15th St (Mitzi)

I was back for another visit.  Mary was all moved in to stay for the long haul.  I was just staying a few days, then had to get back to the family and work.


The hospital bed and commode had arrived during my last visit.  We’d found someone who wanted the sofa, and that had been moved out to make room for the hospital bed in the living room.  Mommy didn’t like that.  Fussed like a wet hen, but there just wasn’t room for both in that small room.  She only consented when I told her we could put it in the place against the wall where the sofa had been, and pretty it up with a quilt and some throw pillows.  Hospital bed turned daybed.  Perfect for tea when friends dropped by.  In the meantime, she still held court in her battered and cigarette-burned recliner.  


The recliner was like an astronaut’s command center on a spaceship.  It was surrounded on both sides by Rubbermaid drawer units crammed with odds and ends for any eventuality.  Cut up Tetley Tea boxes, to use as note paper to make her perpetual lists.  St. Jude’s return address labels, enough for fourteen lifetimes of correspondence. Medicine, both prescription and over the counter, expired and current.  Nebulizer treatments, old letters, tape, spare change, receipts, newspaper clippings, coupons for things she would never buy.  Lists and lists and lists. On the tops of the drawer units was more of the flotsam and jetsam of her life: reading glasses, a magnifying glass, her phone, a couple of remotes, an ashtray, tissues, felt-tipped pens (always felt-tipped pens), more pill bottles, three glasses at any given time, one for water, one for Coke, and one for her homemade iced tea that was filled with enough sugar to put a diabetic horse into a coma. There was an old pill bottle taped to the floor lamp, which she used to hold a broken pair of scissors-turned letter opener. Thank God the oxygen condenser had a long cord for the nasal cannula, because the space around her chair wouldn’t have been able to fit one more thing. 


My friend Sarah came for a visit one afternoon.  I had known her since the fourth grade, when we first moved to the Island.  We brought a couple kitchen chairs in to the living room, and Mary, Sarah and I sat with Mommy to talk, Sarah letting her know how sorry she was that she was sick.  We’d been talking a while when Mommy asked us all, “What do you think is the most important thing in life?”  Sarah mused it over for a bit, and said she thought it must be love.

“No.”  My mother said.  “You’re wrong.”

We all looked at each other.  How can one be wrong about an opinion?

“No”, she said again.  It’s honesty.  Think about it.  If you have love but not honesty, what good is it?  The love is worthless.  If you have honesty but no love, at least you can live with yourself.”

We all nodded in silent agreement. She may be “strongly opinionated”, but damn if she wasn’t right.


After Sarah left, I washed up the dishes.  When I came back into the living room, Mommy was asleep in her recliner.  I took the cigarette out of her hand and put it out, wishing again for the love of God that she would stop smoking, but I knew she wouldn’t.  At least she always turned off the oxygen before she lit up. I covered her up, and went in to see Mary.  


In the old days, I guess this room would have been a “parlor”. We called it “the front room”.  It was a relatively small house; the first floor had the front room, living room, kitchen, bathroom and laundry area.  Upstairs were two small bedrooms. She used the front room as a guest room of sorts, and a place to keep toys and coloring books for when the grandchildren would visit.  Of course, they were all too old for that now, but she still kept them in there, “just in case”.


Mary was sitting on the daybed, looking at old pictures.  I joined her, pulling one of Big Mama’s old quilts across my lap.  The photos were mixed and in no semblance of order.  There were glossy black and white photos with white borders, mixed with dark and grainy prints from the 70s and 80s, with their rounded edges. Pictures of us playing in the snow in north Jersey, swinging from trees in Louisiana, making sandcastles on the beach.  There was a picture of Donald sitting on the sofa at my Aunt Mary’s house in Baton Rouge, with his baby daughter Ali sitting on his lap, each looking into the other’s eyes like they were trying to figure each other out. I don’t think they ever did.  I guess they didn’t have much of a chance.


Mary picked up a picture and let out a laugh.  Her eyes were twinkling as she handed it to me.  

“Remember when we made this for Ron?”  I looked at the photo.  Four year old Veronica was sitting in a cardboard box we’d turned into a space ship for her. I’d found an old phone cord and attached one end to the box, the other to a plastic cup.  We’d drawn dials and controls inside the box, and attached soda bottle tops for knobs. I don’t know where it came from, but she had a toy space helmet on, which must have been our inspiration for making the space ship for her.  No doubt someone gave it to her.  Or Bob found it in the trash.  He had a real knack for that.  In the picture, Ron is sitting in her spaceship, looking at the camera.  She’s wearing a green shirt with Snoopy and Woodstock that says “Jogging is my Game”.  Her left hand is pulling her lips out wide on one side to make a face, and she’s sticking her tongue out.  In her left hand she’s holding a doll.

“She was such a crazy little kid, wasn’t she?  Or as Bob used to say, she was ‘onry’.”

“I know.  Do you remember when she was real little and she’d get mad?  She’d either bite you or she’d start banging her head against the wall.  There was going to be pain involved one way or another!”

“Oh my God, I know, that was nuts. At one point Mommy just told us to bite her back, but I couldn’t ever bring myself to do it.”

“And the only way we could calm her down was to give her Coke.”

“Yes!  We’d put Coke and a little water in her baby bottle.  She was like five years old and still walking around drinking Coke out of a bottle looking bad-ass.  It seemed so normal at the time, but now when I look back, that was kind of crazy, don’t you think?”

“There was a lot that was crazy back then.”

I picked a picture out of the box.  This was another one of Veronica.  She was stretched out on a blue sofa, asleep, and for some reason holding a mop.  Was she playing Cinderella?  Her red hair is shiny, catching and reflecting the light.  Her little face is that of an angel. Man, she was the cutest kid.

“Remember this sofa?” I angled the picture for Mary to see. It was long and blue, and the back was tufted with buttons.  Very fancy.  At first glance, anyway.  In the photo, you can see the fabric is shiny with dirt and oils, and the cushions are flattened from overuse. What is NOT obvious from the picture, is how low to the ground it sat.

“Oh yeah,” said Mary. “We had to watch TV looking through our knees.”  This had been quite the score on Big Trash Night.  We’d piled into Bob’s pick-up one night, on the prowl for whatever treasures might present themselves to us.  And there she was, too good to be true, gleaming in the light of the street lamp. We quickly loaded her into the truck bed and hurried home before the previous owners could change their minds.  There was a leg broken off, and another on the way out.  Bob planned on building new legs, but in the meantime, so we could use it right away, he figured he would just remove the remaining legs and let it sit directly on the floor. But he and Mommy must have gotten into another fight, and he left or was thrown out, for the umpteenth time.  The sofa, of course, never got new legs, and we continued to sit about a foot off the floor for years. 

The next picture I picked up was one of Donald, Mary and I on the beach, our first winter on the Island.  Donald and Mary were standing, Mary holding an armful of beach toys and looking like she had to pee.  I was squatted down, with my arms around our cocker spaniel, Mitzi.  We all looked cold, but happy. The wind is tugging my hair from the hood of my jacket, and Mitzi looks like she’s plotting her next break, so she could lead us on a chase down the beach.

How I loved that little dog.


--------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------


 “You can’t do that!” I yelled.

“Yes I can.  It’s not something I want to do, but there’s no other way.  And you’d better watch your tone and remembering who you’re talking to, young lady.”

“But I don’t even know what you’re talking about!  You can’t give Mitzi away, she’s our DOG, which is the same thing as our FAMILY!  You wouldn’t give Mary away, would you?”

“We’ve still got fleas, and as long as we have a dog, we’re not going to be able to get rid of them, and I’m NOT going down that road again.”

“I can get rid of the fleas!  I’ll gave her a bath everyday, I promise!”

“Sister, those flea baths just don’t work, you know that.  Don’t you remember how bad it was in Surf City?  We got rid of almost all of them, and now they’re coming back.  I won’t have it, I WON’T!”

I knew that acting like a little child and getting hysterical would not work.  I decided to take a more mature approach.  I tried to steady my trembling lips and calm my breathing.

“Look.  You’re right.  The flea baths never kill ALL the fleas, but they get a lot of them.  Mitzi will just have to live outside.  I’ll build her a doghouse.  I’m sure Bob can find me some scrap wood and he’ll let me borrow his tools.  I’ll build her a nice, warm doghouse and she can stay right in the backyard.”

She looked at me, the steel resolve in her eyes fading a bit, the hardness in her jaw softening.  I was getting to her.  It would work.  It HAD to work.

But just then she saw three year old Veronica scratching absent-mindedly at her ankle, and the steel came back, her jaw set.

“No. It’s already settled.  There’s a nice older gentleman who wants her.”

“What? Where did HE come from?  How do you know anyone wants her?” My fleeting act of maturity crumbled in an instant and I felt about five years old, on the brink of uncontrollable sobbing.

“I put in ad in the paper, and he called me.  He’s coming to get her tonight, and there’s nothing more to be said about it.”   

I looked up at her.  I was 13 years old, and she was still a few inches taller than I was.  I wanted to scream, I wanted to hit her, knock her to the ground, tell her there was no way I was letting her take my dog.  But I knew I could do none of those things. Instead, I called Mitzi, and ran upstairs.

I lay on my bed, sobbing, stroking Mitzi’s honey-colored silken ears, and desperately trying to come up with a plan to prevent this from happening.  I could run away with her.  But as soon as that thought entered my head, it vanished.  I had no money, nowhere to go.  I could ask Daddy and Caggy to take her.  But I shot that thought down, too.  They had a baby now.  And their prim, neat house.  If children weren’t even allowed to sit on their precious green sofa, imagine what they would think of a dog.  Maybe I could find some place to hide her, and I could go see her everyday to feed her.  Maybe …

I woke some time later to Mommy calling my name. 

“Annie?  Anne, darlin’, bring Mitzi down.”

My throat felt swollen and tight, my face puffy.  My cheeks were wet from tears and the area under my nose was slick with snot.  I felt panic, but knew there was no way out of this.  I couldn’t come up with any plan that would work.  There was nothing to do but do what I was told.  I heard a voice I didn’t recognize drifting up the stairwell.  The old man.  I hugged my dog close to me, and she licked the tears from my face. “Come on, girl.  Time to go…”

Tuesday, September 15, 2020

Anne's first draft, Bay Terrace through Brant Beach

Veronica


   Pulling slowly into the yard, the sound of the gravel crunched under my tires and I could feel it up through the base of my spine. My shoulders ached with the stress tension that had been building there all morning.  My forehead and palms were damp with sweat.


I can do this.  She’s not gonna get the best of me.  I’m a nurse, I’ll just think of her as a patient.  I will talk to the hospice workers as professionals, as a team I am a part of.  We’re just figuring out a treatment plan.  


I’ve got this.


I got out of the car and walked to the front door.  One hand gripped the doorknob, the other tucked a few errant strands of hair behind my ear.  I squared my shoulders, and walked in.



…………………………………………………………………………………………………………



Twenty minutes later I threw the door open, not bothering to close it, not caring to slam it, and marched across the yard in a few strides.  


As I yanked open my car door I half turned and yelled, “Fuck you!  I hope you rot in hell!”


I jumped in my car - this time I DID care to slam the door - gunned it and sped out onto the road, gravel kicking up behind me in an arc while Mommy cried and screamed at the front door and the hospice workers behind her stared at each other with bewildered expressions. 


__________________________________________________________________________________


Anne



Well that was a disaster.


I don’t know what I had expected, really.  Veronica and Mommy had such a history, and hadn’t really seen each other or even so much as talked on the phone in, what, a year?  More?


But what choice had there been?  Mary was in LA, and wouldn’t be able to get out there for a couple weeks.  With the kids and work, I couldn’t make the two and a half hour drive right away, not before the hospice team needed to get out there to start the process.  Veronica was, after all, a nurse, and only a half hour away.  If they were ever going to make things right between them, this was it.  We’d just had to ask her for this.  Desperate times and all that.


So it hadn’t work out, not the end of the world.  At least the hospice team had gotten a taste of what they’d be up against in the coming months.  I’m sure they’d seen worse.  Right?  


I was still in a bit of shock that this was actually happening.  I had only gotten the phone call a week ago. Mommy was dying?  I remember hanging up the phone thinking, no, that couldn’t be right.  Her tone didn’t match the words.  She sounded …glad?  No.   Triumphant.  See?  Didn’t I tell everyone I was sick?  Didn’t I tell them all?


And so little time!  From what she told me, the doctors said she only had a few months to live!  Hard to wrap my head around it.  


All these thoughts were jumbled in my head as I crossed the border from Pennsylvania to New Jersey, my overnight bag in the back of my Subaru.  At some point I’d have to make some bigger changes, at least on a temporary basis.  Talk to Fred about taking care of the kids, contact my boss about taking some time off, figure out care for the farm animals and house pets. Details. It would get figured out.


A stop at Wawa for gas and a bathroom break - or a “fill and empty” as I called it in my home health care job - and a half hour later I saw a sign pointing me in the direction of the Causeway.  


The bridge.  


For so many years, that bridge was like the front door to our home, for better or worse.  And we’d had our fair share of both…  



___________________________________________________________________________


Sitting in the back seat, I was waking, disoriented, to an unfamiliar smell. I could feel my legs plastered to the vinyl seat.  It was a warm September day, and the windows were open. My hair was blowing wild, whipping across my face and stinging my eyes, obscuring my vision.  The car was climbing up over a gentle rise.  The air smelled of salt, and fish, and something wild.  There was a glistening.  Bright lights reflecting off of something, but what?  I sat up a little straighter, pushing Mary gently off my shoulder, and leaned closer to the open window.  Water!  Shining, sparkling blue water, with boats sprinkled on its surface like confetti.  Seagulls flew in the sky above. 

“Mommy, where are we?”

“We’re almost home, sweetheart.”

But this wasn’t home.  We drove away from home this morning. Home was a white house with a big green yard and a white picket fence and a porch with a swing on it. This was a bridge over water.  Lots of water. I could see land in the distance far off on the other side. 

Soon Mommy was parking our car on the street in front of a square building with a flat roof. The bottom was made of cinder blocks painted turquoise and had a garage door smack-dab in the middle of it. It looked like something Donald and I would have made with our wooden building blocks. Next door was a lot with boats - covered in peeling paint and algae - all up on frames, tarps the size of circus tents flapping at loose ends. 

“Here we are children!"

Mary and I clambered out of the backseat, Mary holding Mitzi on a leash.  Donald jumped out of the front seat, a cardboard box and potato chip bag falling to the ground at his feet.  We scurried around the side of the blocky structure, opened the gate of a chain link fence, and ran in.  The whole backyard was all gravel and sand, our own private sandbox!  Mitzi squatted and peed in it.  At the far end of the yard was a dock that jutted out into the bay, and from there I could see the bridge we had just driven over. Donald ran out onto the dock and slipped on the wet boards, nearly going overboard into the bay water below. Mommy screamed and clutched at her throat, her signature move.  Mitzi barked and bolted, pulling the leash out of Mary’s hand, and ran to join Donald on the dock.  Wiggling her little stumpy tail and peeing a little more with each step, she Christened the rest of our sandbox yard as she ran. Mary and I looked at each other and followed, and soon we were all on the slick dock, on our bellies with hands outstretched trying to feel the water as it lapped against the barnacle-covered pilings. Mitzi barked again, seagulls cried overhead, and we all laughed, as Mommy tilted her head and  smiled a sad little smile.     


That night we all went to sleep in our new house.  Mary and I shared a bed in one room (we’d had our own beds back home), and Donald was in a bed in the other bedroom. I’d asked Mommy where she was going to sleep, since there were only the two bedrooms.  “I’ll sleep on the couch!” she’d answered cheerily.  “I don’t sleep that much anyway.”

I don’t know how long I’d been asleep, but I woke when Mitzi jumped up on the bed and made a nest at my feet. Just before I drifted back to sleep, I heard Mommy’s voice in the other room.  From where I lay, I could see her in the kitchen, sitting with a cup of tea in front of her on the table. There were opened boxes on the floor all around her, with their contents pulled out and spilling onto the floor. She held the phone to one ear, and twisted the long cord with her free hand. A low grumbly voice came through the other end of the phone, in contrast to her soft one. 

“I know, officer.  I know what an outlandish request this is … but I just don’t know what else to DO.”

Do about what? I wondered.  Were we in trouble?  Why was she on the phone with the police in the middle of the night?  

“It’s just that I’ve just moved here and I don’t know a blessed soul,” she continued in her soft southern voice, “and I’m afraid I can’t find the alarm clock.  I know I packed it, but I’ve searched high and low in every box, and I simply can’t find it.  My sweet children start at their new school tomorrow and I want to be sure to get up in time to get them ready.  I don’t want them to be late on their first day!” Grumble, grumble, grumble on the other end. She smoothed her hair, placed her hand at her throat (didn’t she realize he couldn’t see her?) and softened her voice even more… “I would just be ever so grateful if you could see to it to call me in the morning.  Maybe at 6:45?  For the children…” 

Mitzi snuggled into my legs a little deeper and I drifted back to sleep, Mary’s warm breath like a whisper on my back.

In the morning, I heard the phone ring. I guessed it was 6:45.



And so, the next day, we made it to school. Mary was in first grade at Ethel Jacobsen, in the next town over.  Donald and I walked the two blocks to LBI Elementary.  He was in sixth grade with Miss McNeil, who everyone said was a witch.  I was in fourth grade with Miss Reilly.  Kids whispered to me that she was an ex-nun.  What of it? I thought. All my teachers before had been nuns.  I didn’t hold them in very high regard.  My most recent nun/teacher experience was with Sister Bridget at Mount Carmel.  She hated me, I knew she did. One day I got to school late, I don’t remember why.  All my classmates were at their desks doing work.  As I passed by her desk to take my seat, Sister Bridget looked at me with her cold, hard eyes, wrinkled up her nose, and sneered, “So it’s YOU that smells like cat pee.”  At recess that day, kids started calling me Cat Pee Girl.  Not very inventive, but creativity is not a prerequisite to hurt, and I shrunk up inside when they laughed and held their noses.  There was a girl there, I don’t remember her name, with soft curls that bounced around her shoulders.  I don’t even think we were friends, really, but she said to the others, “You know, it could be me that smells like cat pee.  I noticed a hole in my closet that my cat goes into.”  I looked at her in wonderment.  It was clearly a lie.  Why would she do that?  It was the bravest act I had encountered at that point in my young life.  I’ve never forgotten it.  Never. And I don’t even know her name…

Miss Reilly was NOT like Sister Bridget.  Maybe she left the order because she couldn’t meet the bar for meanness.  She just didn’t have what it took.  What she DID have was the ability to teach, and the means to reach young hearts, and to love.  She wore a cap of dark curls close against her head like a habit.  She had plump apple cheeks and kind, smiling eyes.  I entered my fourth grade class late that first day (police station alarm clock notwithstanding), and she stood me in front of the class, daring me to hate her with this move, and put her hands on my shoulders.  “Class, this is Anne.  She’s just moved here from North Jersey”. As a unit, the students shifted backwards in their seats, their eyes widened.  I heard someone gasp.  I was wearing my jean jacket, my most prized possession.  I still couldn’t believe I was allowed to wear it to school after Mt. Carmel’s strict dress code of navy and green plaid uniforms.  My grandmother had embroidered a wild mustang on the back of this jacket, traced from a drawing I had made.  I pulled the jacket close around me, tossed my long overgrown bangs like the forelock of the mustang, tilted my chin up in defiance, and tried to look North Jersey, in order to hide what I was feeling inside. I was scared.  School, children, teachers - especially nuns, ex or otherwise - had not been kind to me.  I was in a new home, a new school, I hadn’t seen my father since I didn’t know when. And now I was being presented to this new class like a show and tell project. Before I had a chance to figure out my next move, Miss Reilly guided me to an empty desk next to a prim girl with chipmunk cheeks and wide, curious eyes.  She had a line of bangs so straight and even it could give you a paper cut.  Her hair was tied with yarn into two high ponytails that spiraled neatly into bologna curls.  Her hands were literally folded on her desk, and she wore - I swear to God - a pleated skirt and saddle Oxfords. Her name was Noelle, and we would be inseparable for years.



My brother and sister and I spent our afternoons on the beach when Mommy could take us, or in our backyard.  On the beach she would sit in the sand with her arms around her knees and her long skirt melding into the sand, anchoring her.   While we splashed in the water or dug in the sand, she’d sit like that for hours, with a faraway look in her eyes.  In our yard, she’d be inside while we played.  Donald liked to sit on the dock and fish.  With his skinny frame leaned against a piling, his eyes would dart through the water, scanning for signs of life.  He’d catch minnows in a minnow trap, and then use them as bait to catch bigger fish with a fishing pole.  I didn’t clearly understand the concept of a middleman, but there seemed to be one at play there, somehow.

Mary and I liked to play tea-set.  We had a tiny China tea-set we’d brought with us from the old house, and a little plastic sifter.  We would sit in the sand, and pour a shovelful of our backyard into the sifter.  The sand would go directly into the tea pot to be poured into our cups, and the best of the rocks would serve as little muffins and cookies, to be placed on plates.
Dialogue here.  Mary explaining her concept of an island?

At one point, someone gave us a crab trap.  We’d been instructed to bait it with chicken, and Donald was suddenly a man on a mission.  One day, when the tide and other maritime conditions were just right, he caught crab after crab after crab.  Mommy, seizing an opportunity to feed her family and be frugal all at once, decided to cook the crabs for dinner.  Raised in Louisiana, she was no stranger to the craw fish boil, and figured this was no different.  But she’d never dealt with live crawdads.  Not knowing any different, she put a large pot of water on the stove.  She placed the crabs in the pot.  She then turned … the stove … on.  So the poor crabs went from basically having a party in a pool, to sitting in a nice warm bath, to… I don’t want to say what came next.  Mary and I were sitting on the floor playing jacks, Donald was nearby reading a comic book, and Mommy was cooking in the kitchen.  I looked up when I heard something akin to screaming.  Little tiny screams.  Next thing I knew, Mommy was slapping at the crabs with a wooden spoon as they frantically tried to climb out of the Pot of Death.  As the water turned to a boil, the crabs were screaming (likely air escaping from their shells, but to nine year old me, screaming) and desperately trying to claw their way over each other and out of the pot. Little Mary started crying when she saw what was going on, and yelled, “Don’t hurt the crabth!  Put them back in the water!” I jumped up, wide-eyed, knowing but not wanting to know what was happening to these creatures pulled from the bay in our backyard only that afternoon.  I put my arms around Mary and shushed her, telling her everything was okay, when I knew everything - for the crabs anyway - was about as bad as it could get.  Donald had leapt off the sofa, comic book abandoned, his large brown eyes alive with a look that was equal parts dread and amusement.  He was a kind, sympathetic soul, so he felt for the crabs that he had caught earlier, I knew he did.  But watching our mother stricken with horror, swatting at these creatures in their life and death struggle, just set his brain on fire.  He ran back and forth from the kitchen to the living room, running his hands through his hair and yelling, “Mom, get that one!  Mom, get a bigger spoon!”  One of the crabs made it out of the pot, landed on the floor, and immediately started skittering across the kitchen, with Donald in hot pursuit.  “Anne, get it, it’s headed your way!” But I jumped onto the sofa, clutching Mary to me more for my own protection than hers, and she started climbing me like a tree. Donald pounced on the crab, then yelled out when its claw clamped down on his finger.  He yanked it off and dunked it back in the pot while Mary wailed and Mommy screamed and swatted and cried, till the last of the crabs fell silently back into the pot.

The next day, when we went to the Foodtown grocery store, Mommy pinned an index card to the bulletin board.  In her sharply slanted handwriting, it  read, “Crab trap for sale.  Gently used.”  



Mommy spent much of her days and nights seeming lost in her own thoughts.  She was young, only 30, but had such a worn out expression on her face.  Her head was perpetually tilted on an angle, like she was trying to hear something far off. Her high cheekbones, fair skin, and brown, almond-shaped eyes were framed by soft, wavy dark hair that fell halfway down her back.  I didn’t understand how someone could be so beautiful but look so sad all at the same time. It was hard to connect with her even for simple things like homework, certainly not for any deeper questions about what was happening in our lives, why we moved to this lonely place, when would we see Daddy again.

The house we lived in was up on pilings, as many of the Island houses were, with the ground-level space  used for garage and storage.  The second floor was divided into two apartments, one street-side and one bayside, and we were the lucky ones that had the bayside rooms.   The windows at the back of the house (which was our front and only entrance) faced west overlooking the bay, and the view was achingly beautiful.  The mainland in the distance was miles across the water, and the bridge was the only way on or off the island.  From our vantage point, we could see the arc of the bridge, boats coming and going on the water, and seagulls floating on the wind currents above.   We soon learned to drop what we were doing when Mommy called for us to come see the sunset.  Sunsets, or any random moments of beauty, were the only time Mommy really seemed to come alive. I never understood how something that was so much the same — the sun dropping over the horizon — could be so different night after night.  The rich deep colors of the sky, growing ever more intense by the minute, spilled down onto the waters of the bay, not just coloring them, but seeming to change the very texture of the surface.  We were as mesmerized by it as she was, though we always had to groan and grumble to not let on that we loved it.  But we would stand there in silence by the window, the four of us pressed together, to watch what beauty could be wrought from an ending.

Those windows overlooking the bay were a source of beauty, but as the late summer turned to fall and then winter, they also became a source of bone-chilling cold as the icy winds whipped across the bay and rattled the windows and door.  There were many houses on the island, but almost none had been built with year-round living in mind.  Most had electric heat from baseboards or floor grates.  Mary and I would pull a footstool up to our floor grate and just sit there, coloring books on our knees, to feel the warm air blowing up through the vent.  In the past, I just remembered feeling warm in my home, even when it was cold out.  All the years I lived at the Island, I would never know that sense of ambient warmth again.  There was cold, and then there was a place where heat came from.  If you wanted to feel warm, you needed to be near that source.

Mommy sought a different source of warmth. The kind that came from strong arms.  I remember John, tall and dark.  He was kind and soft-spoken.  I didn’t understand his role in my life, but I liked him, and was glad when he came around.  John once gave me a pair of cowboy spurs he got from Mexico.  They were made of a bronzey metal, with worn leather straps, and had a horse engraved on the side of each.  I cherished those spurs, and would keep them through all our moves. There was another man, I only remember seeing him once.  His unruly red hair fell to his shoulders, and he was wiry looking.  Shifty.  I didn’t trust him. I didn’t know why, but there was something about him. 

At some point that dark and cold winter, Daddy came to visit.  He brought with him a lady he said he was going to marry.  I didn’t understand this.  To be fair, I didn’t understand much of the circumstances of my life.  I didn’t understand divorce, or moving away from our big house and our friends to this desolate place.  I felt but could not comprehend the depth of my mother’s loneliness. I could not reconcile the clash of missing my father, with the joy of seeing him again, but with his arm around this woman I had never met, and the news that she was to be my … my stepmother?  What fresh evil was this?  Why was a Disney villain suddenly to be part of my life?


A couple months later, there was much more to be confused about as Donald, Mary and I moved to Kentucky to live with Daddy and Caggy. Was this an extended visit?  Was it permanent?  If anyone told us, it didn’t stick, and we didn’t know who to ask or how to ask it.  We didn’t know how to put words to an ache, to a hole.

But we were kids.  Maybe they didn’t explain because in the end, it didn’t matter if we understood or not, it was the plan the grown-ups had contrived.  So our tea sets and coloring books and toy soldiers and clothes were repacked in more boxes.  We said goodbye to our mother, not knowing when we would see her again, not understanding anything about this.  I hugged her softness and warmth close to me and inhaled the scent of her.  She smelled of her  powder puff, and cheap shampoo, and of The Island.  As I pulled away, I thought there seemed a little more of her to hug.  A little extra softness that hadn’t been there before.

And then we were all deposited, bewildered, in a third floor apartment in Lexington, Kentucky.

In Lexington, we all finished out the year at Tates Creek Elementary.  No one there knew I was the Cat Pee Girl.  No one knew I was the one to be teased.  There was a boy there that had that role already.  They told me he was an Indian.  An Indian!  I had so many questions.  It was my life-long dream to live as an Indian brave.  Although I was madly in love with both John Denver and Grizzly Adams, I would have ditched both of them in a heartbeat to have five minutes to talk with this boy, to learn from him.  But at recess, there was a chase.  I got caught up in the mob.  Who were we chasing and why?  It was the Indian boy.  I was the fastest runner, I had always won all the races at recess at Mount Carmel.  Soon I was at the front of the pack, but I didn’t know what I was doing.  What was I supposed to do if I caught up to him?  I didn’t think the rest of the kids just wanted to talk.  Suddenly, at the top of a small hill, I saw a foot kick out at me.  It connected square in my gut, toppling me over me backwards, and knocking the wind out of me.  As I tumbled down the hill, I was overcome with shame, and knew I deserved the kick. I had been caught up in that mob to give chase to someone that I would have worshiped, and I did it only to throw off my role of being the one others laughed at.  I would never again leverage another person’s position just to improve my own. 

In Kentucky we were warm once again, and we got to school on time. There were more rules, fewer sunsets.  Certainly no one to call us over to look at one.  We were not allowed to sit on the green sofa unless our hands were washed and we were dressed in our church clothes.  But if we were good children, we were allowed to have popcorn and Sprite and watch a movie on TV on Friday nights. 
Dialogue: liver and onions?
 It was all so very orderly. There was no mention of a tired and lonesome mother, though we were able to talk to her on the phone sometimes.  We all tried hard not to cry when we spoke to her, but that was difficult for Mary, and she didn’t always make it.  She was only seven.  I understood that I needed to watch over her and comfort her.  Donald understood he had the same duties for me.

We soon moved out of the apartment building and into a house.  It had just been built, and was tucked at the end of a cul-de-sac by the name of Personality Court.  I had never seen a neighborhood with less personality than that of Personality Court.  I was old enough at that time to understand the word “irony”. 

School let out for the summer, and the next month we took a road trip down to Louisiana, as we did most summers, to visit our grandparents.  Daddy had been raised mostly in Mississippi, and Mommy in Louisiana, so all of our relatives were either there or in Texas.  We were excited for all the usual reasons - Big Mama’s house was nothing short of magical - but also because we would see Mommy again! We knew that it would just be a visit, we wouldn’t be going back to live with her, at least not yet.  But we hadn’t seen her in months and couldn’t wait to see her and hug her and hear her sweet voice.

We ran in the door, and then stopped in our tracks.  There was our mother…

With a baby in her arms.

“Hello, my darlings.  Meet your new baby sister!”

Her name was Veronica, and she was beautiful and perfect.  I’d never cared one way or the other for babies, but suddenly there was nothing else.  When she was placed in my arms, I just stared at her, beaming, utterly entranced.  She was wearing a little white dress and was chewing on the back of her hand.  Her chin glistened with slobber.  Where her head was nestled in the crook of my arm I could see she was nearly bald.  But the few wisps of hair I saw on her head were….

Red….

One more mystery thrown on the heap. 

Later, I sat with Mommy on Big Mama’s screen porch, in the thick Louisiana heat. I didn’t know how to ask, or even if I should, but I mustered up the courage…
  “Where do babies come from?  I mean, how do ladies get pregnant?”
Her eyes immediately fixed to a spot on the floor off in the corner.  She cleared her throat.
“Well darlin’ … you see, a man gives a woman a seed … ”
She cleared her throat again, opened her mouth, and then closed it.  She got up and whispered, “I think I hear the baby crying”, and went back inside the house.

And with the image of a man shyly handing a woman a seed, my first and last explanation of the birds and the bees was concluded.

With a repeated scene of more hugs and tears, we left Mommy again.  This time, we had to say goodbye to a sister, too.

We all started a new year of school in Lexington.  We made new best friends.  We worked at perfecting our roles of being orderly, structured children, of not asking questions.  But we silently craved moments of randomness, times of our dinner being beaten back into the pot.  We waited patiently for the day when we would be reunited with our mother and baby sister, not even knowing if that day was ever to come.

Finally it did.  Just after Christmas, the three of us walked across the tarmac and climbed the portable steps to an airplane that would take us back to New Jersey, back to The Island, back to our mother.  I turned around just before I stepped onto the plane, and saw Daddy crying as he waved goodbye. I found my seat, looked out the window, and silently cried.  I didn’t know whether they were tears of sorrow for losing my father again, or joy for returning to my mother, or unrest over not knowing where we were going.  


After a few days with Mommy in our new home, I found myself bouncing and swaying in my seat, as I absently picked at the rip in the green vinyl bench beside my leg. I stared intently out the small window fogged with breath and fingerprints.  I was looking for my house.

This was my first time riding a school bus.  I thought it would be exciting. In Lexington, and in our first house on The Island, we were close enough to walk to our school.  Before that, we were in Catholic school, and Daddy would drop us off on his way to work.  But now our new home was miles from school.  And since Donald was on the middle school bus and Mary on the EJ bus, I was alone.  I knew to get on the bus heading to the south end of The Island, but I did not know my stop.

Ask the bus driver, I thought.  But my throat was tight with embarrassment and fear.  Any ten year child should know their bus stop.

So I watched out the window, hoping I would see my house from the Boulevard.  I knew what it looked like, this house that was now my home.  We’d moved in over Christmas break.  It was beautiful.  It was big.  The dunes were just steps away from this oceanfront home with brown cedar shingles and yellow trim.

Of course, we didn’t own the house.  We didn’t even live in the house itself.  We lived in the little apartment above the garage.  Church mice.  The Bishop owned the house, and he lived there some weekends and a good bit over the summer.  Mommy had taken a job as his housekeeper and cook.  The apartment was adorable in its tiny scale.  There was a living room, with a table on the far wall, and a strip of kitchen at the back.  There was a small bath, and one bedroom. Mary and I shared a twin bed, Donald slept on a trundle that pulled out from underneath, and Veronica’s crib fit along the back wall.  Mommy slept on the couch in the living room.  

With the sleeve of my winter coat, I cleared my breath from the window, but still couldn’t see far enough up the side streets to recognize my house.  I could get off the bus if I see a pay phone, I thought. But who would I call?  Mommy?  I didn’t know my new number yet.  The police?  But I didn’t know what address to tell them.

Then, the last stop.  The remaining kids stood up, gathered their books, and began shuffling their way to the front.  I got up and moved forward with them, trying to appear confident, praying the bus driver wouldn’t recognize me as the fake that I was.  My feet connected with the pavement.  The bus door whooshed shut behind me, and a gust of wind stole my breath.  I turned eastward, toward the sea, toward my home, and marched across the empty lanes of the wide road.  I walked with conviction the two blocks to Ocean Boulevard.  I knew with certainty that my house was on this street, but where?  I looked left, and then right, but I had no clue.  It occurred to me that I would be able to recognize it more easily from the beach, so I walked straight ahead, wavering only slightly as the road disappeared from beneath my feet and became the endless sand that grabbed at me and threatened to pull me under.  Once I crested the dunes, with the eternal ocean before me, I paused again and wondered, which way? In the coin-toss of my mind, I turned right, towards the southern tip of The Island.

I walked with purpose, my head shifting constantly from the sand before me to the ocean on my left, to the houses on my right.  I walked till my legs and feet ached with the effort of battling the sand.  I walked till my hands and face were numb with the cold, numb from the wintry sea spray carried on the biting wind.  I thought many times that I should turn around and walk the other direction.  But what if my house was on the next block?  One more block … one more … one more … 

The light was fading.  The salt of my tears, so cold against my face, mixed with the salt of the ocean and left my face raw and chapped.

I was afraid.  I looked out at the ocean and saw a gull floating on the waves.  Adrift.  I was adrift.  I was lost.  

A child lost to poverty.  

A child who had lost her father.  Like the bridge that tenuously connected the strip of Island to the mainland, so the chasm between my father and myself was spanned.  Separated by a vast distance, physical and otherwise, yet still tethered thinly together.

A child lost from her mother.  No physical distance to separate us, not with the close living quarters, yet unreachable nonetheless.  She was the alluring sandbar that looked so welcoming with its clear, gentle waters to splash in.  So close, almost within reach, yet separated by a gulf of dark, swirling water.  The sandbar could only be reached by chancing the riptide.  So much promise, so much risk.  There was no bridge to safely cross over to connect with her.  To connect with her mind.  She was an island within an island.

A child lost in the most literal sense, as I did not know how to find my way home.

And so I began to pray.  I prayed for home.  I prayed for my Mother’s arms.  I prayed for the scanty warmth of the baseboard heater.  I prayed that God would send me a sign.   And He did.

As I trudged on, and wiped at my tears and my leaking nose with the back of my sleeve, I began to notice ….

Everyone was walking the other way.  Every person (though there were not many), every dog, even the seagulls all seemed to be flying north.  I took this as my sign.  I turned around and started walking with renewed purpose.  Now the ocean was to my right, and the northern tip of The Island, with its lighthouse, was many miles straight ahead.  I felt rejuvenated.  I felt determination creeping into my soul.  The wind dried my tears and I pressed on, picking up speed.

When I turned in the direction I was pointed, I left behind my fears, my indecision, my feeling of being adrift on an uncertain sea.  I shed them; they fell off me and pooled briefly in my footsteps before sinking into the sand, gone forever,  I would not define myself as lost.  Not lost to poverty, or distant parents, or dependence on others for my fate.

The tide was coming in.  The waves were crashing forcefully on the shore, creeping closer up the beach.  But they would not take me.  They would not take me from my home.  I was no longer lost.  This place was home.  My mother was home, even when her mind carried her far away.  My brother and sisters were home.

Most importantly, I was home in myself.  In my heart, my soul, my strength, my thoughts and ideas and faith.  Home.

And then, with the light nearly gone from the sky, up on the left nestled in the dunes, sat the brown shingled house with the yellow trim, with light spilling from the windows of the little apartment above the garage.

I was home.


  

Sunday, March 8, 2020

#26: 285 Oaks Rd Oxford, PA

#26

285 Oaks Rd
Oxford, PA

Purchased September 2017
Moved in December 1, 2017

#25: 209 Wilson Mill Rd Oxford, PA

#25

209 Wilson Mill Rd
Oxford, PA

May 2005 - December 2017

#24: 1427 Flint Hill Rd Landenberg, PA

#24


1427 Flint Hill Rd
Landenberg, PA

10/97 - 5/2005

Our first purchased house

#23: Elkton-Newark Rd Elkton, MD

#23

Elkton-Newark Rd
Elkton, MD

1993 - 1997

Large rented house on 5 acres with a barn

This was a very cool place.  A pretty old yellow Dutch Colonial.  Very out dated but lots of charm with some built-in cabinetry and those old glass doorknobs.  It was on a fairly busy road about a quarter mile from the highway (Rt 95), and the driveway entrance was just before a liquor store.  But the drive wound back through a woodsy area before turning and opening up to where the house was. So once you were back by the house, you couldn't see or hear the road. It was a "four square", with living room, dining room, kitchen, and large room at back door, plus a half bath on first floor. There was a beautiful screened in porch on the side with French doors from the living room. Upstairs were four bedrooms and a full bath which opened from both the hall and the master bedroom.
We loved it there.
The upstairs of the barn was off-limits bc our kooky old landlady Jane Stradley was a hoarder, and she had a lot of stuff stored up there.  But the ground level was ours, and I promptly put a horse in it.  I bought a pretty little bay who was I think Arabian and Standardbred.  Very hot, very green. I named her Chesapeake.  I never even got to ride her.  I spent lots of time training her on the longe line and trying to gentle her, but then she somehow had a bacterial infection or an aneurysm or something that caused her to bleed out through her nose.  It was awful, just gushing.  By the time the vet got there it was too late.

I got another horse not long after.  An off the track Thoroughbred I named Jasper. Also very hot and green, but had way more miles under saddle than Chessy had, so I was able to ride him from the get-go.  I had not only our nearly five acre pasture to ride  him through, but a lot of adjoining land that I wasn't really legally allowed to ride on, but did anyway.  There was the Cecil County Airport just the other side of our property, and next to that, probably dozens if not hundreds of acres of Goretex campus. Eventually I branched out from there and would ride him down some of the local roads into other open areas, and one time even rode him over to Milburn Orchards.  Nothing beats the rush of a gallop through open fields on the back of a fast horse!

I decided to leave Bryn Mawr Rehab bc the commute was just too much (about an hour), and it was pretty stressful there.  I took a job in home health care and found that I really loved that environment. I loved the flexibility and autonomy.  I was the only OT on staff, and saw patients in three states (PA,  MD, DE).

Fred and I were trying to get pregnant, but having trouble with infertility.  We were tested seven ways to Sunday, and tried different medications and temperature charts, etc, but with no luck.  We were finally at a fork in the road between moving forward with more involved procedures like IVF, or giving up.  We decided to just "give it a rest" for six months or so.  And during that time, of course, I got pregnant.  Probably one of the happiest days of my life.

Shane was born Feb 15th, 1995.  I had gone into the hospital on Fred's birthday, but after a long and difficult labor, Shane was born by c-section early the next morning. I hired a sweet grandmother named Bunny as a nanny for Shane when I returned to work.  It was nice bc I could stop in sometimes to see him. But after awhile, I knew I wanted to stop working full time so I could spend more time at home with him.  So I took a  part time job at a skilled nursing facility in their rehab dept.  I didn't like it as much, but the pay was good and I got to be home more.

We were still fast friends with Billy and Jen, and they came over a lot. She had had a fourth baby, Jack.  They were godparents to Shane.  Four months after Shane was born, Jen gave birth to twins, Erik and Ellie, and we were godparents to Ellie.  One year, we gave all the kids (theirs and Shane) a pony for Christmas. He was a sweet little black pony about 12hh we named Midnight, and he gave a lot of kids a lot of joy for many years.  Such a sweet temperament and very trustworthy.

It's hard to put into words how intertwined our lives were and how meaningful that relationship was. To say we were "best friends" doesn't seem to do it justice.

Donald
Kuma
Pg with Bonnie
Stradley selling



#22: 1009 Wilson Rd Wilmington, DE

#22

1009 Wilson Rd
Wilmington, DE

July 1991 - April 1993 (?)

Rented 3 bedroom split level house in northern suburbs of Wilmington.

We moved here so Fred could start his general surgery residency at Christiana Hospital.
I took a job with Genesis Rehab, travelling to different skilled nursing facilities they contracted with, but I didn't like it. After a few months I began working for Bryn Mawr Rehab, which was very similar to the job I had in NJ and I liked it much better.
This was a huge house for us.  Besides the 3 bedrooms and 1 1/2 baths on the bedroom level, there was a pretty, sunny living room, dining room and kitchen on the mid-level, and a big den on the lower level,
plus another half bath and a laundry room (a first for me).  Also had a big back yard with a little slate patio.  Very pretty.
We were barely moved in when Fred met one of his fellow residents, Billy, who hadn't found a place to move with his wife and three kids.  So Billy and Jen, four year old Katrina, two year old Michael, and newborn Kara (and their Great Dane Speckles) moved in with us.  They weren't there long, maybe a month and a half, until they sold their house in VA and bought a house of their own in Newark.  But long sincere friendships had been established.
Fred's hours were long and grueling.  He was working sometimes 90 to 100 hours per week or more.  He got tonsillitis at one point, and before he woke up from the anesthesia, the other residents painted his toenails bright red.
I used to take the dogs on walks through the hills and woods by the Brandywine Creek.
But all good things must come to an end.  One day I came home from work to find a Sheriff's sale sign in the front yard.  I don't know what our landlord Bernie was doing with our rent checks, but I guess it was not paying the mortgage.
We looked at a couple houses in the hopes of buying, but we weren't ready financially yet.
But I found a really cool rental.






Saturday, March 7, 2020

#21: 14-8 Civic Center Dr East Brunswick, NJ

#21

14-8 Civic Center Dr
East Brunswick, NJ

September 1988 - July 1991

Rented apt

Fred and I lived in this second floor one bedroom apt.
I worked at my second internship (psych) at The Delaware House in Burlington, NJ, about an hour away.
I also worked weekends at Treasure Island to bring in some income, and we lived on that, wedding gift money, and my savings from when I was in college.
When my internship ended, I interviewed for a few OT jobs and was offered all the jobs I applied for.  I accepted the one at JFK Medical Center in their in-pt rehab unit.  Marybeth and Lori both worked there, as well as another friend or two we had gone to school with, and it was only about 15 minutes from the apt.  Perfect first job.  I started there in January 1989 and had a starting salary of $30,000!
Fred continued medical school at UMDNJ and did medical student rotations through a lot
of the local hospitals.
We had a second hand green L-shaped sofa, and I remember Fred practicing his stitches on the back of the sofa.
We did a lot of "playing house" in this first apt of ours.  We enjoyed cooking together, even going to the grocery store together.  We felt like such grown-ups! I remember a lot of day trips to Allaire State Park, apple picking at a nearby orchard, etc.
We took a road trip to Baton Rouge to visit the Bigs.
We had Kaya and my cat Daniel, and at some point made an impulsive pet store purchase of a long-haired Akita puppy we named Kuma Senshi (Bear Fighter).
Towards the end of our stay there, Fred had to apply for residency, and we made some road trips out to visit some of the programs so he could interview. On a trip to New Hampshire, the car heater broke and we were so freezing, and afraid of breaking down in the middle of nowhere.
The next morning we got back into the car to drive the car to a mechanic before Fred's interview and found that the sodas left in the backseat had exploded, and there was frozen soda covering everything. We dropped the car off and then walked about a mile through snow and ice to the hospital for his interview.





#20: 435 South Main St Cedar Run, NJ

#20

435 South Main St
Cedar Run, NJ

May 1988 - September 1988
Summer after college graduation

Fred's house

Moved in with Fred after my last year of college and his first year of med school.  We made a little apt area up in the attic, covering the ceiling with sheets and making knee walls with paneling, with space behind for storage of all our stuff.  I think Kenny lived in the house, along with Pop and his sister Aunt Dot, who was his caregiver.
I worked hard on cleaning up the back yard in preparation for the wedding rehearsal.  I cleared junk, I planted grass, I pruned and picked up branches.
The wedding rehearsal was just a backyard barbecue, but it was a beautiful day and everyone seemed to have a nice time.
Our wedding was June 25, 1988.  A beautiful but hot day with an outdoor ceremony under a gazebo with a lake backdrop.  It was really a perfect wedding, at least on such a limited budget (the whole thing was about $5,000).
Afterwards we took a very short honeymoon.  I think two nights at the Inn of the Dove, about 20 minutes from Atlantic City.
Monday morning I started my first internship ("phys dys") at Garden State Rehab in Toms River, NJ.





#19: Kean College, Union, NJ

#19

Kean College, Union, NJ
Freshman dorms

8/87 - 5/88

My last year of college

I got a position as an RA in the freshman dorms.  I had my own apt, with a shared bathroom with the other RA, Sue.
I also continued my job at the bank, and worked on weekends as an OT Assistant at Woodbridge Developmental Center, which was mostly providing ROM to severely impaired adults living in a state institution.
I was able to put a lot of my earnings in the bank (did a lot of short-term CDs) to save for our first six months of marriage, since Fred would be in medical school and I would be doing my internships.

So I had the three jobs, was a full time student, and was planning the wedding, slated for June 1988.
I was trying to lose weight for the wedding, and I think I developed a mild eating disorder.  The gown I purchased from JC Penny came in and was 4 sizes too big, so I exchanged it for a smaller size (a 5). My pre-wedding weight was, I think, 117 pounds.

Fred had graduated college, and was in his first year of med school, living with three or four roommates  in an apt in New Brunswick.  He was allowed to have Kaya there.  It was nice to drive down to see him, take Kaya for walks, and have study time together.

I graduated magna cum laude, with a 3.79 GPA. I decided not to attend the ceremony, since I wasn't really graduating with my close friends, and I had so much going on with the wedding.



#18: Room to rent/Shannon's apt/Stephanie's house

#18

May 1987 - August 1987

Room to rent/Shannon's apt/Stephanie's house

This was the miserable summer after what should have been my senior year, the year in which all my friends graduated.  But because I went off track, I still had another year to go. The residential program for the summer classes was dismantled, so I could not live on campus as I had the summer before.

I stayed for a week or two in a boarding house, but then a college friend Shannon offered that I could move in with her and her roommate for the summer.  So I packed up all my stuff and made many trips up the steps to her third floor apt.  That afternoon Shannon's roommate came home and said I would have to leave, but said I could stay the night.  I was so distressed.

Then Stephanie said her parents said I could stay the summer at their house in Parsippany, about 45 minutes away from my job. So I brought all my stuff back down to my car, and drove to Stephanie's house, and hauled all my things into her house and up to the second floor to the guest room.  Her family just sat there watching TV and never offered to help bring any of my things in. I was so grateful they invited me to stay in their home, but dismayed at how they just sat there without offering to help.


#17: Kean College, Union, NJ

#17

August 1985 - May 1987

Junior and senior year of college

Junior year:
Roommate Stephanie Simon, another OT major
Two other roommates were Dee, a tiny, feisty Greek girl who was in
a sorority, and another girl whose name I don't remember but she was
very uptight. She was engaged, and I remember we all kind of felt
sorry for her fiancee. She graduated end of the year, and then we
awkwardly asked Dee if she could move out so our friends Marybeth
Curry and Lori Macechok, also OT majors, could move in for senior year.
Got job as a Salary Administration Assistant at National State Bank,
working 25 hours per week. Unable to stay full track with OT program,
so had to go “off track” which meant an extra year of school.
Bought my first car, brand new Mercury Lynx, stripped down with
manual transmission, no a/c, no power anything.  Couldn’t even drive it
off the lot bc I didn’t know how to drive a stick. I think it was mostly Kevin
Inman that taught me? Gave Mommy my old Bug. Daddy cosigned the
car loan, but got mad bc I saw the paperwork, which listed his salary.
He didn't think it appropriate that I knew how much he made (which
was about $75,000).
I was good at being able to put a lot of my money in the bank, but I also
sent a "stipend" to Fred, b/c he did not have a job, feeling he had to give
everything to his heavy course load (pre-Med Chemistry major). So I
sent him pocket money so he could go to the movies, eat out some, etc.
I also sent some money home to Mommy.

The summer between junior and senior year I was able to get a job as
RA in another campus dorm, for summer students. Worked out
perfectly so I could keep my job at the bank. I would drive home
to LBI on weekends.

Senior year:
Me ("Banana"), Stephanie ("Puff"), Marybeth ("MB"), and Lori
("Lawrence", "Lawrence Taylor", "LT"). Friend Denise in another dorm,
("Niecy Noodle", "Noodle")
Lots of Ramen noodles and matzah bread
Lots of fun, trips to campus pub, study parties where we all got very silly
School was academically challenging, but we all helped each other and
all did really well.

Fred decided to buy a puppy he saw at Boscov's dept store. A
Husky/Shepherd mix we named Kaya. It was a really stupid move,
bc neither of us could keep her at school. So Mommy actually took her in
for a few months until Fred was home after the school year ended.


#16: Kean College Union, NJ

#16

Kean College
Union, NJ

August 1984 - May 1985

Sophomore year college

1st floor apt
Roommate Renee Breeden. A little bit of a culture clash as she was
black and came from an urban area. I don't think she knew what to
make of me. She found it beyond belief that I did not own a house key
and we never locked our doors. I don’t really remember two other apt-mates.

Worked in a photo dept of a dept store, mostly making phone calls to set
up appts

Fred proposed. During a weekend visit, sitting on the bed in my dorm, he
handed me the ring box and said, "Here". I wasn't exactly sure that he was
proposing, and didn't know to put the ring on my left hand until a friend told me.
We were 20, I think.


#15: East 31st St Beach Haven Gardens, NJ

#15

East 31st St
Beach Haven Gardens, NJ

May 1984 - August 1984

I moved back into Mommy's house the summer after my first year of college.
She had moved again since I graduated.
I worked at MAB Paint Store (along with Fred) in the morning, and then the Colony
Movie Theatre at night. It was a rough summer with Mommy, with lots of arguments.
She objected to me driving home late at night after visiting with Fred. I remember her
blocking me from walking out of the bedroom we were arguing in, and her slapping my
face. I felt so trapped.
Summers after that when I would go home, I would just stay with Fred, first at his
(Dad's) house, and then later we stayed in Joe and Donna's old trailer.




#14: 509 S Plaza Franklin Lakes, NJ

#14

509 S Plaza
Franklin Lakes, NJ

August 1983 - May 1984


A purchased 3 bedroom house (Daddy's and Caggy's).
Carey and Michelle were little, not in school yet.
I lived there my freshman year of college (Ramapo) as a commuter
student. I had a bedroom set up in basement
Plan was to take two years of gen ed and then transfer to SUNY College
of Environmental Science and Forestry (accepted into program junior year
of high school). Changed my mind for practical reasons like too far removed
from Fred and poor earning potential. Changed to the more pragmatic
course of Occupational Therapy. 
Worked as receptionist at Apple Ridge Country Club.
Fred and I started our long-distance relationship, since he was in
Wilkes-Barre, PA. Once a week phone calls, several letters per
week, maybe once a month face-to-face visits
When the school year ended, I moved back home with Mommy before the
next school year.



#13: W 21st St Ship Bottom, NJ

#13

W 21st St
Ship Bottom, NJ 

April 1981 - August 1983 

Year-round rental


3 bedrooms, 1 1/2 baths
Second floor of two floor duplex, bayfront
No dock, but bulkhead
Beautiful sunsets
Powerful winds, needed to nail door shut sometimes to keep it from
blowing open
Kerosene heater, burning holes in our nightgowns
Taking raft or inner tubes out on bay
Donald bought an old black convertible Cadillac
Donald graduated HS and joined the National Guard
Worked at Taco Island, diner as waitress, Colony Movie Theatre
Junior prom with Matt Bradley
Surprise 18th birthday party
Senior prom with Scott Vanaman
Started dating Fred right after prom. He'd come pick me up for a date
and Veronica would go get her little purse and we'd take her with us.
Daddy gave me my first car, green 1969 VW Bug. Over time, lots
of problems, including hole in floor on driver’s side, so I  would get
splashed if I drove over a puddle, wipers that needed a “push start”,
almost non-functional heat. It was a "semi-automatic", so I had to shift
gears, but no clutch. Engine in the back, storage under the hood.
Graduated HS there
I was able to get full financial aid for college, and Fred got a full merit
scholarship to King's College in Wilkes-Barre, PA.